Thought Disorder

Sunday, February 27, 2005

lost.
lost.
lost.
floaty.
floaty.
floaty.
concentration.
concentration.
concentration.

i need bites. =X

boo! my brain was switched off today.and i couldnt concentrate on whatever i thinkin of. bleah. i donno what i was thinking about anw. i was just like - staring into space and oblivious to the surroundings. omehgad.

ahh.today i was cheated.yah.
went for jiang.felt like sleeping.see.? no concentration .
had to pinch myself and stuff myself with HACKS sweets to keep awake.
what was i doing . pokkkk.
stellala wore this nice yellow band wich everyone was sooo interested in today.
yeapp.i forgot to return her.aft the concert.hah.

aft jiang went to takeaway macs to eat b4 we go for concert.
we alighted at city hall.
managed to find our way there.got lost actually.asked around for directions. clever us .!
reach VCH and spotted meixue, jing, pat and some other dunmanians lah.
pat- i am not dressed hipply. ><
then i realised that it was a chinese opera concert.NOT a co performance.
cheated! we wanted to go home.haha.
went to get our tickets.we ve got a rather bad seat. like,we have to lean forward to see whats happening down there .???? ohh.we wanted to curse kelvin.haha.
got alot of sec2 xyz pple came.most of us.then siyuan,wenwen,and yanling also came bahh.
mary played.oh god.
when the concert started, the three of us freakkos were laughing madly.
people thought we were crazy.aha.just that the opera singers were so FUNNIE~!
junwen was clapping frantically.mad.
then me and lala decided we were too bored.she played with my hp game (its some lame game that i dono how to play but she enjoyed it,so did my cous) and i borrowed her discman to listen.
pple looked at us and they thought i was sleepin.
ok!i was attempting to sleep.but i couldnt.cos the opera was too noisy. >.o
junwen ended up playin with her hp.
then she was singing opera to me.which i dont understand.hah!
so this is how we spent our time there. funny!

concert ended at 6.30 or what.
stupid junwen said she forgot to take her bottle so we had to run back to get it.
in the end she said she had it in her bag.
that pok.
walked to city hall again.took mrt home.while lala walked home.
on the mrt i lost touch again. like i missed the train stop and had to retake another train home.
then i went to 7-11.i lost myself again and the coins rolled out of my hand.i lost 20 cents anw.

i cant find where am i.
maybe its due to fatigue.
yeap i am lost.
in nothing.
i was thinking of nothing.
how could that be. ?

rarh. i feel like droppin school.
i dont feel like doing that ex 6c anymore.
i dont feel like pia-ing for math test.
i dont feel like pia-ing for jap CA.
i dont feel like doing yue du bao zhang.
i dont feel like memorising the jingjus.
i feel like throwing all the books away.
i feel like kicking out all the shit in me.
lost.lost.lost.
maybe i should rest early and wake up at 3am tmr to pia.
haha.if thats possible.cos i always sleep over.

what an ass i am.

10:19 PM

Saturday, February 26, 2005

you are the one i wanna chase -
you are the one i wanna hold - ;

rarh.i tink i can die now.
boo.!
like-my earring is in the flesh,with the skin over it already.
so my earring is embedded inside.and unable to take out.><
i am so doomed.
i think gotta go tan tock seng for operation already.
all these i brought it upon myself.
problematic me.
next time i wont pierce my ear again.
promise.
just a tiny earhole brings me so much stupid things.
i am so dumb.
dumb me.stupid me.

but today started piaing for the gory story.
i shouldnt pia i know - but i dont wanna see our group fail
and that will pull my marks down
i must get a1 for english siah.
i realised i ve changed from last year
like this year i ve started to pia alot already
study for all tests.contribute more to group work and projects. slashed the amount of time wasted on playing bball.
but i realised i ve started to slack in erhu.
rarh.this year gonna get into dazu already.
and i am here slacking away..
while peijean works triply hard.
boo!
then next year our batch performing in gongyan.
SYF in 2007
ohmannn~
pia in erhu
cannot slack in erhu
and 3rd lang.jidans.i sure die.
CA is in 3 days???!!!
math test is on monday!??!
ohmygod.
math homework left undone.
gory story halfway done.
jiang homework not done.
mon got cip.rarh.THIS SUCKS.
must go study for jap and math test liao lorh.
or else bo time.bopian leh.

i realised this morn that i forgot to bring my wax home.
sad.i shall go buy new one tmr.
probably i lost it.or i left it under my table.
haha.i have a sudden crave for chocs.
probly cos i abstain from chocs for quite long time liao.
fast food i haven eaten for like 2 months.
(: except for that time the fries i ate with amelia -its only fries!
and yeapp.my mum gonna buy mp3 soon.
ohyays.seh bohh.
creative.zen.
cool! its damn nice.
50%'s mine.the other 50 is my mum's.
yeapp.but i tink i will occupy more than her anw.
always liddat de.
i wanna buy black! :)
black rocks.the other colors all suck.
black's my fav color.
haha.its gonna rockk.

tmr that concert jing is going too.
heh.cos cs also forced to go. oh great.!
cos jing and pat will be there. =)
wheeeeeeeeeeeee`
then me junwen and lala also goin
peijean going
yay.
think will be a new experience for me lah.
music.i dont really know how to appreciate though. >
nvm lah.must be open to new perspectives. :)

someone going dating liao lorh.
acty not really lah.
seh lah.
i gonna make u two sit together.
even if i dont, the rest will.
oh good.i shall usher you two in together.
ask the rest to shooooooo off
or else they become gooseberry
so extra
yeapp.
maybe he will hold yah hand during the concert
ahah!nice show.
yeapp.its really funny.

i wanna watch -
a series of unfortunate events
howl's moving castle
hide and seek
white noises (nat forces me to)

yeapp.pple who wanna watch these too : maybe we can go together. (:

10:03 PM

Friday, February 25, 2005

i wanna be a boy in my next life.

-

hah.the day that changed my perspective.
boys can be enthu and funn!as in boys schools.
and the sch (beautiful.) embellishes the whole of my opinion.
i am awed.oh well.
i wanna go boys school.

nat today sehh lahh!` ponned school leh.
wake up late.dont wanna get scolded by twc then she ponned lah.
her father say write letter of mc for her.
but she not sick! rarh.why her father so good.
boo! if only my parents let me do that.
then she came for sj training in the aftnn.
boliao leh she!

so in the morning eugene was waiting for me.he didnt know my bball met accident leh.haha.then we, me qian and got some others, waiting for nat to come.haha`.she didnt anw.
so went to look for khaiqi.cindy told me she in 4c then me and gena waited outside 4c for v long time but nver see her.i couldnt recognise amelia and kanglin! thought they were sec 4s madly waving to me.maybe its fate but we followed them to the next class and then i saw khaiqi.
i am dumb!

had pe today.woahh siao bohhs.run 4 rounds.
next time ms tan wanna us to run 8 rounds then i sure cannot one.boo.
i lousy like hell.><

had one free period cos mdm nora didnt come.
me and shermaine went to toilet to wax our hair.
blah.dont laugh at me lah.
my actions v dumb rite.
think ms ng having pms.
like she damn fucked up with us.
haha.relac lah.
ytd that mad cockroach finally ascended to the netherworld.!!
R.I.P.
rmb i didnt kill youu!
(:

recess actually supposed to discuss hist.
but went to play bball instead.
then aud v zngry with me right.
haha.bie sheng qi.
:)
but we play match halfway ms tan come and shoo us away.
no fair lorh.
actually today hardly played bball.!
wahh sians.
stupid nat lah.
then friday is cca day.
everyone got cca.sianned.

chi practically slacked the whole lesson.
math me and gena damn spastic siah!
like we were distorting the national pledge.
iif u interested in listening, drop me a visit and i shall recite to you!
for FREE. free entertainment leh!
and its damn funny.i was laughing throughout the whole period.
think that mr chen knows we are all fooling around and not paying attention.
then he will give the comment to mdm tay
"the students do not pay attention in class and always fool around"
bohh!
hist was slackin too.
rarh.plus the two poks who nver come.me and wanye left niah to do the SBQ.

friday rockk lorh.ends at 1225.:))
then had co meeting at 1.
saw nat.oh god.
went for co.
looked for the person in charge of the blazers.
doria or what.i need 10 blazers.
but she said mon must go find her with EVERYONE present..
and yeahh? i just rmbed that mon we got cip leh.how?!?!?!?
hmm.then some pple oso like not free go take.then she say only give those around niahh.
WTH.
i shall think of a solution later lah.
now in the mood for sleepin.
i wanna pon cip leh!!
so sad.

aft co played bball for a while.
played full court with some sec 2 bballers and the sec 1 bballers.
funny lorh.
i just slacked.rarh.got nth to do anw.
then grace fell down 3 times.
oh yeahh- grace's bro is my senior in xyz.haha!
so went for break lah.then i nver went back to play.
went to VICTORIA SCHOOL after that
with the badminton pple.
i nver regretted going man.

took 196 there.was v v v v curious how it looked like.
okk`! its darn nice lorh!
like all the facilities also have; even more than holy! ><
then me and gena compared dhs to vs. like DUHH. i find dhs sucking and stingy. biased so.
gena was looking into a comp lab then she suddenly got a shock lorh.
i was like what.
then nicolas came out.
haha.he brought us around the school.
gena's being paranoid.nicolas is paranoid.
we saw some things we werent ought to see.
haha.its not like we nver seen before rite!
but-i realise that victoria school really rock lorh.
i really wanna go there.
only if i were a boy.
in my next life i wanna be a boy.
then i go vs.
it rocks siah!
the guys there 100% seh-er than DHS guys.
their enthuism is 100% more than DHS.
their school is 100% more rockking than DHS.
their facilities and the design of the school is 100% nicer and better than DHS.
believe me or not.- go there yourself and open up your eye.
really.VS guys really nicer than DHS's.oh man.
look at them- u would be SHOCKED.
really.truely.very.
haha.i convinced myself after 1 WHOLE FREAKKING YEAR IN DHS that dhs guys are un-seh.nonono. (:
try convincing yourself.dont lock yourself up in a cage.must be open to new perspectives.

and yeahh- nic is still the same.
rayson look damn guaii. he looks like my senior.
wayne - still as blur.around the same. I AM TALLER THAN HIM KAE!
teo - good lahh! so tall. what say I SHORT.. but, he grew alot tanner and taller and he looks like chiat siang from afar. heh.
chinboon - still looking dao. ><

watched the finals for the east zone championship.
i am convinced that badminton tournaments are sooooo much more exciting and nicer than basketball tournament. (:
i ve done myself proud.
the hall was intensingly hot but
so cooooool the tournament!it rockked!
i saw the guy slide to hit the shuttlecock over.
seh!
issit cherie's cousin? oh yeaa, it is.
victoria damn proooo lorh.
1st.
but at the last single set, VS won and the victorians watching all cheong up to the player and like cheer and cheer.haha.i took a video.
ohh dumb me.should have recorded their enthuisms and cheers with voice recorder.
so cool man their cheers!
haha.nic and teo they also got cheer.
nic, stop being paranoid lah!
haha.

so next time got badz tournament aft sch, i wanna go!!
so nice.

dhs kinda disappointin this year.like only win for the sec 2 gals.4th.
ahh.btr than nth.
gena nv play still got trophy.whatthe!
then aft the prize presentation i helped them take pics.
sorry if the photos arent nice.><"
like- i suck at taking photos. boo.!

then my dad came to fetch me.
took the return route to the 196 busstop.the one near dhs.
saw somebody.hoho.walking along the road.
then went to pick my mum up and went for dinner.

hah.this sunday not going for TLL. :)
OHLEHHS!!!!!! YAYYYYEEE.
i going to VCH with junwen and stellalala.
aft jiang we go together.
and its FREEEEE. the tickets. performed by SCO.
pple who wanna watch can go lah.FOC leh!
and it will be nice.

and next week the CO gongyan- i hope i can see alot of pple there!
and i know it will be nice. =)
around half of 2A going leh.seh bohh!`
got me nat wanye sean keewei zhenwei kianhong belinda liujia shermaine qianjun cherie leeyan weiyan patricia audrey jingjing gena.
more than half the class.! :))
then i waiting for nic and rayson's reply.
SEE.?? I AM A CO ENTHUIST.

aahh siann. next week the cip i wanna pon leh.
test got 2.sian.
homework sure got alot lorh.
boo.

8:49 PM

Thursday, February 24, 2005

my life is in a total mess.
-

yeapp.i not gonna bother about anything.
like groupings.group until i confuse.group until i feel so guilty.
usually we group with qian and maine.
but we thought they grouping with bock.
so nat wanted to group with gena.
and set already.i didnt say a thing.
then qian thought confirm we four.
then is like-we alrd have gena,how can we accomodate like another group.
then i decided:
i not gonna bother.
let nat decide.cos i know sometimes things crop up for no reason.
and nat - maybe you thought i was kb or frustrated or what.
no i am not.
i am just letting you decide.everything.
and i wont interfere.
whatever groupings you want i will just keep quiet and go along.
this feeling is inexplicable.how should i describe it.
okk`
i know alrd.
cos i know why i dont wanna interfere.
like always projects is the same old people slacking and the same old people working extremely hard for the group.piaing.piaing.and piaing.through the entire night.sloughing and sloughing.
i feel like i ve been made used of.i ve been made a dumb fool of.
we do all the work and the slacking ones get all the credit.
unfair.its really unfair.
so this time i gonna slack.
i really am.
let the rest rack their brains and i just go off happily playing.
yes.
cos i feel so fucked up.
i want to undo the things people do onto me.
not that i am revengeful but i wanna teach people how to contribute at least a little bit for the project.
learn people.
learn how to grow up and contribute something.

science was kind of lame lah.ms ng having one of her bad days again.v frustrated she.
there was a cockroach running all around the science lab today.funny!
then it overturned once and struggled to get up but cant.
its so funny.we wanted to pour acid on it and zhenwei stepped on it.haha/
jinghuan seemed to have her pms issit.

today was busy selling co tickets.like i go advertise.
and on co performance 7pm that one i ushering pple!
for cip.twc ask us to de..
i gotta go book the tickets from khaiqi
and find the person in charge of the co blazers.
twc v biased.
pple who go watch performance then can go for the ushering.
and co members got more priority.
:)

music was fun.

got 3rd lang today.
then got 3 irritating RI guys came to our class and sat behind me and felicia.
they very gay leh.
so darn lame.
got 1 is mad,got 1 is nerd, got 1 is explosion hair.
they suck.ASBS.assholes.bhb.
i v pissed by them.
yup lucky they coming for this lesson niah.
(:
but i ve got a twin!
haha.that guy lorh.felicia says look like me.i dont tink he looks like me.
but we call him my twin.
then felicia was like 'hey what your twin doing ahh' 'ur twin leh!'
wadthe.he dont look like me lorh.
no.he doesnt.
justus wanna gay with him.
ohhyea- sehkia is the president of the gay society of Singapore.
then got the vice chairman, deputy vice chairperson, the members.
haha.founders=the felicias!
this is soooo spastic.
we didnt manage to get a photo of sehkia.sad!

took 53 home aft that.my twin and the explosion hair was there.senghan was there.on the bus.
felicia was asking me why my twin doesnt live in hougang.ehh! how i know.
haha.kk!
senghan damn qian4 bian.he v dao and vulgar.
i dont have anything to do with him.
><

tmr gonna play bball.
when will i get my bball.
boo.think gonna play with gena.
then we gonna discuss IQuest.
which i am q certain some pple wont be bothered to do.

7:54 PM

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

so much for my happy ending.

-

jidans.i dropped my CX65 twice liao!
how could i.

the freeness in me.
thursday.friday.gonna rock dudes.
test-freeee.stressless.
today last test of this week! :)
good.really good.
can relac and enjoy.
goood!

happy bdae qian!
ur prince charming has finally rode on a horse to pick you up.
yup.if you feel isolated or what
we're always here to cheer you up
cos u can always count on us :))

today kind of sian bohh.
like we had ms wee's lesson right in the morning.
we had to write the gory story.
our grp->me,weiyan,rhoda,shermaine,ziren and zhenwei
and it seems that only me and weiyan are the hardworking ones.
i hate slacking when it comes to like doing project or what
and somemore the compo is graded as a group
like-we do the work and everyone gets the credit
they keep talking.talk and talk.
felt like screaming FUCK at them
kept it.bottled it.
i hate slacking in this sense.
we are supposed to finish the compo in school
and not wait for me to go home and complete it.
they kept crapping.ask them shuttup and help
they just shuttup but continued talking after that.
whatever.i hate this.its dumb.
i just dont wanna slack these days.
feel rather guilty.
like we always leave things to qian.
then we sit there laughing.
i feel no good.
so i help.
what i do onto people is undone onto me.
and they keep chipping in ideas when i already writing the story.
wtf.
sorry if u thought that i was ap and kb.
i was damn frustrated.

pe cheered me up a little bit.
ran 3 rounds.it doesnt seem that tiring anymore.
good.
played vball.supposed to do the front and back thing.
quite difficult but fun lah.

piaed for lit during chinese period.
shermaine said her uncle was on the zaobao's obituary page.
okk!i dont see it.i didnt bother to look anw.

lit test was okay lah.but (b) i didnt write alot.crapped the whole lit paper for like 2 pages.good at crapping man.
played bball at 1.35.
match seems to be at a damn fast pace now.
i felt lost!
haha.
i feel good today.
cos of bball.like no air.not really very off.
the weather was tremendously HOT.
the bball courts were burning like HELL.
yeah.but still enjoyed the bball matches.
cool.
yeapp.what did i say.?
i love playing bball with 2A.
guys or girls.
attitude.attidude.the dudes with the attitude.
2A rocks.dont just look at the outside of us-so sian.
but actually we rock.in the inner.
2A is unique. 2A consists of all the rockking dudes.2A is funny.2A makes me laugh and tear. 2A is where i belong. (:
one day if we were to be separated,how lost could i feel.

ran for art.was rather early.
art ca is coming!
adobe photoshop thing.
did i mention that i gonna get adobe photoshop soon?
but not the 7 one.sad.
i feel happy though.
had pw.ohh man.
the teachers are really boring.
today ms fang chye pin came in instead of ms wong.
oh-they both are supposed to come in.but ms wong lost her voice.wow.
ms fang chye pin has two horrendously BIG goldfish eyes that are ready to devour you.
she knows she's an old hag and everyone is bored by her.
she wishes that she could be younger.like a preettay hott babe.
i was practically slacking throughout the two whole periods.so boring.
poor qian have to do all the work!on her birthday somemore.
i promise i will help her the next time.really.
i cannot slack liao lorh.
i v tired then.bock was combing my hand hair.like so damn short lah.tis is spastic.

felt refreshed after sch.
SCHOOL-4.30pm.
arduous day.
this proves that i dislike the lessons in school.
boring.
then went to play bball.
all the courts fully booked man.
had to play with 2A guys.
we played match.DAMN FUN LORH.
what did i tell youu.? i love playing bball with 2A.
yayy.no air.not that off today.
i feel good.
once more.
we played match.girls vs guys.
me,nat,jing,jinghuan,wayne VS sean,eugene,hongsheng,keewei.
close fight.showed the power of jing.the power of her balls.woah.the guys were like BLANK.
really intensing man.eugene was doing his 'super sunday' thing.chopped for a few times though. the guys were like going "ohno eugene your sundays might not be here" or something liddat.
really funny. really good match guys.! hoping to playy againn.
2A rocks.

left for erhu at 5.30.reached there in time.
saw the sec 3 seniors kanna scolded by mary like HELL.
we all knew we heading for doomsday liao.haha.
wasnt that intensifying though.
she didnt really scold us like she scolded the seniors.
huiling says it becos of gongyan coming, the malaysia trip coming, and SYF is coming.
haha.must jiayou.

took a bus home.reached home at 8.15 or what.
today got like no homework except my jap compo, HE workbook, the gory story (mon) and ACC.
dont pester me,aud and pat.
go away.i know u all've got evil intentions and i dont wanna know about it.

i hate lappy man.such an asssssssss.
sometimes i hate him for isolating -- but sometimes i dont.
it depends!
okk` most of the time.
my attitude and coldness towards him already showed everyting u could imagine.
go.go.go.
i dont wish to be friends with you.cos sometimes i cant stand your sucking attitude sometimes.
i realised you actually dont have a nice set of teeth.it resembles a bunny's actually if u look closely.
maybe he has noone to talk to about his secrets thats why he tells everything to lappy.
its not as if i wanna care but i see good fren getting hurt at times.
and i cant just sit there and give a grinnnn.
no.its a good day today and he's doing this thing.
like its no fair.
i know he just doesnt have any good frends to rely on.
so fake of you.
i hate you sometimes.but sometimes i dont.

8:39 PM

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

u're beautiful
no matter what they say
cause words cant bring me downnn.

-

the short term memory thing has gotten me again.
wahha.! ohman.
today felt extremely sleepy and tired.
plus got 3rd lang after school.i wanna faint.
school seems to be stretching into infinity.
teachers like picking on me.
boo.unfair.! whats wrong with me.
no fair.

this week have been the worst week of all the weeks.
cos the tests are gonna be a flop.
chinese i practically gonna fail.
tmr lit i tink i also no hope liao.
i wish i was darned brainy and had all the info in the whole world.
then my brain will be like mount everest liddat.hohho.
ms wee loves picking on me.
wahhh! so bad.
whats wrong with me.
like everything she also call me.i damn scared of her.
and i found out she got short term memory.
haha.
oh damn we haven even thought of our gory story yet.
tmr gotta present.graded -> jidans.
ms weeeeee dont pick on me leh.
i am just a tiny fleaaaa.
and yah-she say cannot put hands under the table
like must put both on the table.
she thought i smsing under the table.
madpok.

today i was like going everywhere drawing on pple's hand the peace symbol.;
ahah! v lame i know..
i was going 'peace be with me and youu!'
yup i tink pple cant stand me.
ohsorry.
and i bought another peace badge!
so cool.clip on my bag later. :))

ahh.i found the MOST SEH GUY IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
in third lang one.damn seh lah.
kk.me and felicia were assessing his sehness.
here goes.

3 cheers for seh kia!
-wears nike shoes
-doesnt wear socks
-has big sausage mouth
-"NICE" haristyle
-"NICE" spectacles
-very short shorts (sometimes got red pen stain )
-caoji tanned
-sits alone :sehkia isolated!
-drinks pepsi twist (WAhH damn healthy worhh)
-fat body
-round face
-always late for jap cos he say he go for competitions or maybe i tink he go have a feast at macs lah..
-wears makeup
-sweats alot (means he very fit)
-has a spastic behaviour,likes to stretch his legs out wide to showcase his legs
-has a CAO seh OP pencilbox
-tends to have exaggerated expressions over the slightest thing
-likes to showcase his fat arms by stretching them out
-damn sissy
-reminds me of a P.I.G
-has a bag too small for his size
-has a seh smsing way : put hp on table and sms
-put a plaster on his leg in class
-thinks that william hung is a damn seh singer (i tink he more seh.)
-bears resemblance to a mountain grizzly bear
-loves hopping and dancing around and posing like a model (ready to dance striptease)
-despo.go around asking for RGS girls' hp no.
-flirtatious : flirt with guys leh!!!
-uses nike bottle,squirts water with it
-uses MOELC file:cost $4.50 leh!
-assy attitude
-has a loud voice
-BIGGGG stomach
-shirt is disgustingly dirty

haha.seh bohh!

after 3rd lang went to junction 8.went to buymy PEACE badges.
wahhah.crazy about PEACE.
then my papa came to pick me up.
picked my mama up.
brought me to the doctor.
rarh.my ear's swollen.
but i given medication.and cream.
checked my hip.the doc says its muscle pain.
I DONT TINK SO..
dunno lah.
hell.

came home.piaed math homework by copying jolene and wanye's.
now supposed to pia for lit test tmr and also do chinese yue4 du bao zhang.
nothing to write leh.for chinese.
this sucks siah.so much homework and argging tests.
boo.

i tink lappy felt lonely today cos he nver come.
haha.say what ur him never come.
i tink u just wanna get -- off then u can happily live with him.
good friends.u tink he wants to be in good terms with you??
cos we just dont wanna stick to him anymore.he no choice.
he has no friends.he needs company.he doesnt have any.he turns to you.
yeah.i can see so clearly that he's so bloody fake to you.
darn obvious.maybe its just the wishful thinking on your part.
get a life.

i will pia.

ahh.got erhu tmr.

9:41 PM

Monday, February 21, 2005

i wanna say ... <3

-

jidans.where my ruler fly to.
today was quite empty.the school.where did the world go to?
funny.2A most pple got CIP today,but we dont have.the last few index no those girls.
yup.ours next week.so we going lah.then nat they all can happily stay in school.
assembly cao sianned.oman.say dunno what intellectually disabled stuff.
PUR-LEASE..like i dont know.
cos MY SIS IS ONE OF THOSE KINDS OF ASSES..
rarh.i totally cant stand her.
okayy!me and qian almost fell asleep during the talk.so comfy the auditorium.:)
yup they mention special olympics and i started laughing.ahahah!this is soooooo funny mann.
abt my sis again.
she still owes me my 100g of famous amos!ahh.

and yah- i haven go see doctor yet.
tmr going to see aft 3rd lang.
hope it recovers!
my greattest greatest wish now is for it to recover siahh..
and my hip.yup shunbian gonna check.darnn pain ><" haha.next time i dont wanna piercemy ear again. suckkks. so cannot buy qian's present in time.
acty plan tmr aft 3rd lang go cityhall buy her present
but now,aww.sian..
i alrd told her.she said nvm anw.

aft sch pia-ed home econs.
me qiannie and wanye
wanye not our group though
but i forced her to stay back
then i go co
got scolded for not wearing badge
i dont even have it lorh.lost it. =X
went play bball.with wanye.
bball courts empty !
wah.we played one vs one.
ahh.she v ass.keep banging me.
bhb.ap.wadde.
like say she got alot arm strength and blah.
keep airing.keep rebounding say wad dunno wad happen to her today.
we played horse.she owes me hichew now!
like-she keep wanting to hai4 me but she always fails.awww.
then i chop she will go *blannnk*
haha.she air.bleah.i couldnt stand her anw.but, better than playing with hantuu.
went home q early.bathed.went for tution.
i like my hair being wet.nice feeling.

chinese test- say burbye liaos!
fail liao lah.damn tough.huiling also shocked to our "testing method" haha.so unfair..

i feel like
emotionless.
booo me.
i will try to find my emotions <3 color="#ffcc33">him.
and i agree so much man.
he makes a fuss over everything.
he thinks hes handsome.alot of people like him.
and the good friend recently got into this thing..and the entire world knows.like-its not our problem right.making a big nuisance out of crapp.
and good friend everytime vent angers on me.like scold me for nothing.ahh.whatthe.
i should be the one fucking YOU off.like-you tink i ve got a lot of free time to spare to do everything you command me to do.tell u i gotta see doctor maybe no time u still insist.like-i am more unfree than you re.you look at this ME and you can decipher my life.MY WAY OF LIFE.look at the dark rings i have around my eyes.it says how much sleep i get everyday.
bad things push to US.good things leave for the other good friends.we are not slaves for you.
YOU've changed so much.so much different from the old YOUU. i like the old YOU but i hate the new YOU. i tink it is under the influence of him. its good that WE didnt get influenced by him. WE got out of this trap of cobweb before anyone could. thanks to my two very good friends. :)

i would like to specify-
YOU are not seh.
NEITHER are YOU handsome.
YOUR attitude sucks.
YOUR behaviour makes me wanna slam your ass.
YOU are so fake.
it is SEEABLE that you are fake to some people.
dont make a BIG fuss over small things.
SO WHAT you ve got a huge crowd waiting to pursue you.
it is only the first impression you give them, they have yet to understand you.
people have all started to dislike you.the dislike becomes hatred.and hatred is no friendship.
FAT HOPE.
i know you have stead A ZILLION times lah.
SO WHAT.

10:17 PM

today must be the worst day ever.
already,now,8.30am:i am having the worst of luck.

guys,my earring sunk into my earhole.
HOW.
i dunno.i stood infront of the mirror and cried.
tried to pull it out.tried to push it out.
i know if i go see doctor it will cost a bomb.
and plus i am always causing my parents trouble.
why must this happen to me at this time.
when i am darn packed with homework and hven even revised for tmr's chinese test.
shouldnt have pierced the hole in the 1st place.
had a bad feeling when i pierced it.
ytd before i slept,i had a feeling that it was sinking in already
but i didnt take it out.
something bad happened too.i dont wnna talk about it.
i cant believe that happened.
i stand at the balcony and i feel like jumping off.
but i rmbed i still have tution homework to do.
maybe tmr i shouldnt go school
and plus i am sick.i feel alittle heatish.feverish.
how.how.how.
this must be the worst things that have happened to me.

i dunno how am i gonna go for tution later lah.
wtf.
i brought all these all upon myself.

12:38 PM

Sunday, February 20, 2005

this is dumb.this is lame.

my ear is still there.its not dead.i feel it there lah.
dont need to rest at all.
let it rot if it wants to.
my mum says its swollen then after a few days then try push the earring out cos now still pain.
my boo!
see i caused so much trouble.
well,i tink i gotta admit i am still a kiddo.
kiddo me.

my sis is an ass.she ate me and amelia's famous amos cookies.
tmr i supposed to bring to sch and share with amelia one lorh!
then she ate finish
how i gonna bring tmr man..
wahh.she is a fucking freak.everytime eat people's stuff without permission.
shit her.waddanasshole.
like DUHH- god knows it. FAMOUS AMOS=MINE RIGHT.
and she dont even HAVE THE INITIATIVE TO PAY ME BACK MONEY.
i already took 10 bucks from her piggybank anw.who cares.
scream all she want.curse all she want.
suckking man.
i should be the one SCREAMING AT HER.
ahh.nvm.no use growing white hairs for this FREAKKO SIS..

people-i ve got a new hp no.
81632006
call me or msg me.
98483983 wil still be around btw.
i wont use the new one that often.

wah!tmr's chinese test is a sure flopp.!
badness.sadness.
i dont feel like mugging-cant i just fail for this once.
next time i dont wanna take chinese anymore.
so difficult.drives people nuts.
and completed my lit project alrd.
people who haven done it- TMR U BETTER PASSUP TO ME KAE.OR ELSE U LATE UR PROBLEM.
people like jolene.u better pass it up.

the reason why i nver mug for chinese is cos ytd
i took 5h doing lit project.
i slept darn early.i was sick.i was aching everywhere.
today i had tution the whole day.woke up darn early to do my tution homework.
came back late in the night.
dont feel like mugging.just feel like failing.
ok!i will go mug later.until 12am or maybe 1am
maybe i will skip the sleeping part.
rarh.pass by 1 mark oso can lah.i don wanna care liao.
just gimme a PASS willyah.
take pity in me lahh.i got so many troubles recently.

in the year 2007, we are gonnabe the leading batch of erhu players in SYF
how cool is that.
jiayou to xyz in the coming SYF!

twc is really in a darn good mood these days.hope she can show us mercy in tmr's test.
and now talking to huiling online.we both remincising (how to spell ah) in the sec 1 days..its fun to tink back and laugh at the dumb things we did.
senior+junior bonding.sehhbohh!
sec one compared to now the me in sec two is like worlds apart.!
like-EVERYTHING LAH..
really.haha.really funny siahh.

found a h2o advertisement.yay!paste it onto my file..=))
h2O. This is my choice.

9:06 PM

Friday, February 18, 2005

the messy schbag that i always cant be bothered to look at on fridays-
containings:

the homework for the week and the upcoming tests which drives us pathetic poks nuts.

homework
friday weekly the cutting to do the yue4 du bao4 zhang
math supplementary exercise
lit mini project
draw the art outline thing
jap compo
tution homework

tests
mon-chinese test
tues-jap quiz
wed-lit test

things to note
gotta collect the lit project on mon
gotta bring scissors on tues
gotta passup the yue4 du bao4 zhang,art outline, and math sup ex2 on wednesday
gotta passup jap compo on thurs
wednesday is qian's bdae
monday gonna go have my ban mian with wanye at the nearby hawker centre
monday stay back do HE & play bball
practise erhu.really.seriously.

i cant wait to have my ban mian.had been craving for it the whole afternoon.
私の命は楽くない・死にたい

11:25 PM

its not a crime to want
a little space to breathe

-

[the reluctance to leave for school]

morning.i felt the whole reluctance to leave for school.
when i was closing the door i was very unwilling.
i didnt wanna go to school
i wanted to tell my mama i was sick
i mean-i wasnt.
forced myself to go anyway
who knows;
it might be a better day ((:

reached school that time nat and company and the guys were playing bball.
so went to join them
like-i was sleeping on the car
and i just woke up when my father drove me to the gate
played bball with the sleepy soul of mine
i just stood there and slacked
good gracious arthur tripped me and i fell
like, flat on my face
the surge of pain came in
tears fell
i dunno why
i mean-this kind of pain is nothing to me
but i felt the tears came at the right time
the people think that i cried over the pain
but it wasnt
the depression within me
been unleashed
felt alot better
think god read my previous entry and gave me the tears at the right time
the whole day have been feeling happy
at least.
not sad.

and some stupid poks even buyed my story that ive got sore eyes.
yup.when i fall down,please dont ask me if i am alright.
cos i really am
i just needed peace out.
i mean-u ask me i dont mind
but i donno why i tend to give tears
haha.maybe its the feeling of 'touched'.
haha.no.
cherie asked me what happened and i dunno why the tears came rolling again
haha.
the tears contained all the negative feelings of my life.
i appreciated the fall.it was a gift.
though its pain.

and we had pe straight.ahh.this is dumb.
ms tan believed i got sore eyes
then say i look at guys too much.
huh!
like-this is mad.
we had to run two rounds,do 25 situps,run another 2 rounds and do at least 2 pullups
my knee was injured.my elbow was grazed.
i ran.not really that pain.
then we played vball.
why do tcher have to call me for demo.
this is the 2nd time.
wth.!
haha.
next time i stand further away.
okayy!i suck at vball!!
haha.

we went to lab for science.i prefer lab lessons to theory.damn fukingly boring.
ahh.i dont get the theories.
so cheem.

recess played bball.
my CUTE LITTLE GRACE pushed me down and i fell,
AGAIN.
ahh.another graze on the other knee.
so that makes-
1 on the left knee,1 very big one on the right knee and 1 very ugly looking graze on the right elbow.
and the most damned part is
grace didnt even know she pushed me.
rarh.shes an ass.
nvm.
she was forgiven.
its okay.
this time no tears!
like-thats why i felt the morning fell was kinda a 'gift' from up there.
tears.
i feel rather stiff.hoho.

for hist kindof funny lah.
watched this WW2 video
but like only one third of it
they were trying to get the laptop to be louder
haha.
those poks.
the old people relate their stories
some really funny.

this is the first time in my life i missed my bball
my bball is named flea.
so,
flea ran onto the road and got knocked down by a van.
in the memory of flea.
140205
gone forever.didnt even go retrieve the corspe.
and didnt even bring it to hospital.haha.!comint said that.
the ENTIRE world knows FLEA GOT CRASHED
yah.i know its FUNNY lah.
like-ITS STUPID FOR A BBALL TO BURST RIGHT.
not really if it met a car accident.haha.
and i wonder
WHEN WILL I GET MY NEW ONE..
cant wait to show it off. :))
kidding!

after school went to play bball.
i admitted i was kindof bored.
for the first time i am saying this
FIVE DAY WEEK SUCKS.
like-everyone got cca.
i dont!
not that CO is slack
but i am not in main.
the next half year i gonna be i think
mary keep pressurising us.

at first played with nat,wanye,sherm and qian
but later nat and wanye had to go for cca
sad!
then left us
then played bball with the bballers
me and yanting damn kb
like we stand there-we just stood there
and we said
"i guard u,u guard me.see we're doing something!"
yah.and the bball hit my butt while i was trying to siam
woeixin was saying we stand there do nothing
sorry lah!
like-i dun wanna move my butt cannot ah.
and i so lousy.better not get involved.!
yeap.the conclusion is
i LOVE playing bball with 2A
like we are all so familiar with each other
then we play bball together is a very normal and natural thing to us
wont feel like so lousy or what
i mean-i am lousy
but feel more comfortable playing with 2A.
2A rocks.
:))

supposed to wait for nat at the foyer at 4pm when her sjab ends
then go macs and have a delicious meal
then she go lido i going hunt qian's present
but i ate a whole mountain of rice with vegetables before that
and got bullied by two bad juniors
ahh!
first time i see juniors this bad.
melissa called me by my chinese name
i know it sucks lah.
what
yilin.yiiiiilin.
i tell pple i called flea
she will say
"no lah she called felicia.nonono..she called yiiiiiiiiiilin."
i know my chinese name is spastic lah.
dont have to make fun of it right.
and melissa cant spin coins!
lousy pok.
kernie and melissa wanna eat my money man
want me to treat them to drinks
dudes,i am broke leh.
even had to borrow money from sherm.
and had to give her one of my pocky sticks.
that ass.
plus please,pleaseplease,pleasepleaseplease
she's damn demanding.
otherwise wont be known as maine pok.
and gr asked me if qian was angry
hmm.
how'd i know.?!
he really like her alot lorh.
and i think qian like him too.
i said
"i think qian likes u alot"
haha
then i walked away.

after melissa and kernie and some other friends left for their track
i felt kind of sianned.i wanted to go back to 2a to do my homework but met jingjing on the way.
so went to play bball.the courts all booked.
didnt really play.
then huaxin came up and ask us if we wanna be sjab casualties
we darn excited
but when we got there
they said they dont even need
very the sao xing4
jing was complaining the whole day
like-i wanna be casualty!
i also want what
so fun
and like-i also got injury
they can help me bandage.

supposed to go macs but still felt q full
so didnt go
stayed in sch play bball instead
nat came.
we played one on one.
funn!
it was drizzling.then the drizzle stopped.felt like a sauna man.
then drizzled and stopped.the weather is so cranky.
my second button on my pe shirt dropped so i had to button the first one
looked practically like a tooty ass.
haha!
shermaine had bball training.
then when she walked past us i would say
"hey,i see an ass walking past"
haha.funny.
then nat told woeixin
"ur pants got red colour thing leh."
we kding only lah
nat is so damned porn.
the bball got stuck several times
i had to kindly take off my shoe to hit it.
ok-THATS LAME!

wentoff at 5.30 when we realised that nat was late
took bus.forgot to press the bell for the bus to stop and ended up having to walk from punggol primary to my house.
nvm.
feel really hungry now dudes.
this entire weekend will be packed with shit.

ahh.i think belinda is lesbo.
like-i cried this morning
she was like saying
"WAH u cry ahh"
gay leh
then i pierce my ear
she say
"OHMYu pierced your ear!"
like-issit an offence.???
rarh.

7:41 PM

Thursday, February 17, 2005

it might be true that i dislike you
u give me all the emptyness i can ever have
u make me isolated
u turn my whole world inside-out
i am tired of the mood swings i get from you
i cant understand you
lost in this dudes

-

rather fun day today.
but my mood for a better day was rather spoilt when i walked into 2A
saw somethings i dont really wanna see.
i didnt wanna care.but i guess i had to.
this sucks.
nvm.it turned out to be better.
nat was dao-ed the whole morning till recess
dunno wassup with her
yup and today was the first time in my ENTIRE life that i enjoyed ACC for ONCE.
cos we supposed to present cny stuffs to the class
though our group nv present
cos we haven finished.ahah.
belinda's sucked.too many words.small words and YOU KNOW I'VE GOT BAD EYESIGHT.
wanye's okay lah.the group members were sianned.i was so damn bored.
jing's group was so DAMN HILARIOUS
i was laughing till my tummy hurt and was like sprawled on the table
haha.
was really FUNNY.
yup.or else it wont be JINGJING and her group rite.
they did this skit.i really enjoyed it.
thanks for bringing laughter to me dudes.
and the ACC teacher (i forgot whats her name) kept standing beside me and telling me not to secretly do my homework
ehh.
i do it guang ming zheng da.not under the table or what.
YOU SUCK man.
i was doing my jap homework.not happy issit.

i am getting darned confused in science.
what valency.what formulae.what equations.
i have bad memory leh!
cannot rmb.
ahhhh.
must balance equations or what.

really pia-ed for hist test today.
i gave in the best.i tink i wont do very well.
I PROMISE I WILL WORK HARDER
even if it costs me
and then had tingxie right after hist.
haha.
twc in a damn bloody good mood today.
and yeah-she found out i was late ytd.hoho.and she scolded me.
but we had mo4 xie
and initially she said she wont help us
like zi wo bao zhong
but in the end she read to us the paragraph
she said she gonna read v fast
but she read v slowly.
GOOD MOOD AHH.
wearing some nice old people attire today.
nubbad ahh.!,twc.
but i though ttk migrating to china.?
why is she happy then
maybe shes going with him
AWWWW.!
:))

music is kinda relaxing lahh.like i hit the kompang damn hard to fuck all my stress out.and its like i am SCREAMING through the kompang.but still,the beat still slower than ytd's erhu.erhu is much tougher lahh.kae.hit the kompang hard to deal with stress yeah.

then got back our math test.
i tink i getting suckier at math.
like-my marks still maintained the same as the last test.
this is dumb.
i really wanna PIA hard for this year.
get out of DHS and all my worries all will naturally go with it.
i know my mama really wants me in dhp
i dont.
i really dont.
i mean-i would rather get out of this sch.
cos i feel that i dont have an affinity with dhs.
sometimes i wonder-
what if i am out of dhs.would i miss my frends and all.
and also,
what if i was in the dhp-
like all the brainy asses.
i always think of weiyan,fong sun, peijean
brainy.
i am bet to lag at the last position!
tink alrd also sian.
and all the cheena stuff.
plus i dont like chinese.
cheem.difficult.
when the time comes i will then decide.
i hope i will.

after school went for 3rd lang.
me and felicia damn lame.
in 3rd lang we sit bside each other
but we choose to sms each other
haha.
this is damn spastic.
like-we waste sms.
but i got alot free
so nvm.
jap test is coming in like 1 and half week time
and i dont really get the tcher
she ROCKS can.
and justus SUCKS.

after 3rd lang went to takashimaya with amelia.
i made two new sec1 juniors.!
melissa and kernie
cool dudes.
1Bians.
went to popular at orchard to get geneve's book first
then we kinda got lost around the area
manage to find our way though
went to surfbabes in wisma atria
all the cool stuff
but the pencilboxes i dont like
i am buying for qian
think i go flash and splash buy btr lah
saw some roxy badges.q nice.and this toering amelia's crazy about.
yeapp.i know what to buy for amelia when her bdae comes. :))
then we realised it was kinda late.
then went taka.
bought 100g of famous amos on the way
made us rather thristy.haha.plus we didnt have water left and also the rush for time.
went taka.couldnt find the shop.
clever me brought her to basement to see.
yeapp i know that the food court area got sell chocs
and maybe we could find the chocs there.
so we went
found it.
6 bucks.
dunno what melty kisses.
her senior wants it.
then took mrt back.
thought i would reach home at 7 but reached home at 6.15.
i agree with amelia
some people kinda dislikes her
like-she v funny.as in weird.
very dao.very emotional at times.happy treat u nicely.
i told amelia that i dont really liked her at times.
like-sometimes i cant stand the way she treats me
like a toy.like something to throw around.
no,i am a person.i dont wanto be tossed around.
i know she doesnt wanna be left out
but she doesnt have to do that to spite me.
i felt that assy feeling again.
i dunno why u always treat me liddat.
dont even know if we are really friends.
like-we seem to be competing against each other.
i really put in everything i can for you.
you dont seem to give a damn.
you just run off.
i ran.
i wanted to slam the wall.
I HATE IT.
I HATE IT WHEN IT COMES.
i know that u enjoy her company.
run up to her.and like 'stick' with her.
no,i hate all this.
I WANNA FUCK IT OFF.
i know this is bad of me but,
sometimes i wished you didnt enter my life.
i feel miserable.
no one can help.
i dont demand help.
i must help myself.

how i wished you could just change that attitude of yours.
no wonder i feel this kind of thing happening.
although i dont really want it to happen
i know.deep in my heart i know.
i know that inevitable day is approaching.
GOD IS MAKING FUN OF ME.
its unfair.
first year.second year.it had always been like that.
maybe the other can sense me.
i think she knows.
she tries to keep away.
i know they will be good friends.
maybe i should just slip away silently.
if i could.
i feel like i am enslaved.
all trapped in a cage.nowhere to run freely.
i will break free one day.
just you watch.
all the courage will come to me.

7:00 PM

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

and i am so pissed.
i am darn pissed.

-

[and so dont come bother me.]

i dunno why.my friendster is invalid.the email.maybe they deleted my account.
so guys,what do you tink i wanna do.?
smash friendster.my testis all gone.
all gone.
I DUN WANNA CREATE FRIENDSTER LE LAH.
whatthehell is this man.
i asked my cous help me.but still invalid.
huh.
i dunno.
unfair.!
today is such a bad bad day.

i woke up terribly late in the morning.got booked by SC.reached school when everyone was singing the national anthem.when twc finds out,i gonna get a biggg scolding.

i dunno what on earth happened to me today.
during recess i was damn devoid.
1.35 went to play bball.
was feeling damn ASSY.
like i kept airing.
and i felt so bloody stressed.
i like kindof wanna breakdown.
feel like i am depressed.
maybe i am suffering from depression.
hoho.! lucky me.

thanks daph for lending a listening ear.u are my great cousin girl.

i hate wednesdays.i have come to this conclusion that i hate everyday.i like no days.they seem to gimme alot of stress.i only hide the anger within me.not anger.maybe just a sense of loneliness.or what.the depression within my soul.yeapp therefore i am bursting now.

i realised i am kinda contradicting.
depression.!
i thought
why for care.??
just let it go
like i pretend not to see anything.
walk straight blankly and dont turn back.
i wished all these didnt happen.
i dont ever want that day to come
i know its approaching
its unavoidable.
i hate this.
this always happens.
no matter where i am.
i should just try to cheer myself up.
console myself.
look at it and pretend that i didnt look.
pretend nothing happen.
just walk away.
and pretend its not hurting me.
the jovial flea u always see.
might not be me.
i shall learn for my dear cousin.!
yeap.that optimistic attitude.
i <3>
u rock big time.
that's what cousins are for.
we think alike.

felt better aft daph's consolation or whatever.its always liddat.

wednesday=pe day.
move my butt.
we played volleyball.
nv run!
sad.but i also kind of lazy to run anyway.hoho.

today really long and boring day.
like afternoon lessons are so sickening.
all the homework comes flooding in man.
sadness.
school ended at 4.30.how i gonna live a 4.30 day till like end of this whole semester.
sad.
then went to play bball.
my mood was better and therefore i can shoot better.
but it still sucks.
we played match.the four of us.
like-so funny!
i was blowing bubbles from the LAST bubblegum i had.
couldnt bear to throw it away into the bin when i felt like spitting in out.
i like blowing bubbles!
with bubblegum lah obviously.
so fun!
ask for somemore from that pok she dont wanna give me.
wadanass.

had erhu today.what a disaster.
mary screamed at us.
we were terrified.oh man.
haha.
and we practised the damn fast thing.
REAL FAST
then she kept scolding us
say we dunno how to play
like duhh!
tis is the 1st time dude.
and she expect us to play like her?!
she says she give us 1 month.
we must perfect this skill.
and like- I CANT DO IT.
maybe with a bit of practice it will be ok.
really gonna pia for everything already.
even if it costs me.

tmr hist test.
i spent my night copying notes from tb
memorising
i know i will forget tmr.
at least i PIAED for it.
i STUDIED.
i haven learn tingxie btw.
boo.
my boo.!

currently chatting with my cous and her cous.ehh!they like having a heated argument.hoho.
funny!
yes THEY ARE QUARELLING
but i am not lookin cos i am blogging dudes.

bless me for tmr's test.
ohman.
i really dont wanna fail.

[the messy table with a huge pile of homework.]

hey i dont like him lorh.what utter crapp is this.
i nver even see him before.
okay.i guess i shouldnt have added him
cos he's bombarding me with ques
and i dont like it.
whatthehell.
my boo!
bore him to death.
hoho.
i am from dhs yeah whats the big prob.
ok-maybe u dont know dhs has special stream only.
maybe i should go offline.

11:38 PM

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

i want 48 hours a day for this week.
please.

[i am glad for qian.!!]

the confession.! yup.
xihuanjiujiang- quoted qian to qian.
jiayou!

we had two free periods again!
mdm tay didnt come again.!
thats one free period.
and ttg had to go for bton match.!
and thats another one.
hohoho ((:

i gave people chocolates today.
nat took like 7 in one shot
was attempting to steal my whole bag
haha.
today
i felt like sleeping
the whole day throughout
i was so darned tired.
i almost slept in twc's period if it wasnt for the m&ms that i ate to keep me awake.
hoho.

the whole ENTIRE world knows abt qian and him.
ahh.
suddenly i feel like i cant be bothered.
cos its like - qian's prob?!
haha.
but i choose to zip my mouth.
avoid the situation that nat told me this morn.
yup.

i am bored.
qian is not.
sad.
i know what she doing lah.
i cant be bothered.!

i dunno if tmr gonna play bball
but one thing- i got erhu tmr.
WHY..!
sad.
i v long nv prac
sure get scolded.
and nv memorise songs.
die.
i hate this whole week.
i hate hist test.
why must we have tests.
i wish its test freeeeeeeee everyday
and we still get good grades
and we all get promoted into dhp
like- i know only limited people can get in
but if the whole schs in dhp
funner.
only if it was less cheena.
frenster is getting screwed up.

i feeling so stresssed.
like-hist is so definitely flunkked.
i have this v bad feeling.
why do i own this life.
i feel sad.i feel like empty.
devoid.lost.
i dont feel any laughter anymore.
hmm.
maybe this is not really a great year.
sometimes i wish for everything to disappear and my life is just a blank piece of paper.
nothing to worry.nothing to fret.nothing to be angry of.nothing to study.nothing to be sad.nothing to be happy.DEVOID.
maybe thats why i feel q dao these days.
and pple say i am dao.
this is the reason i suppose.
i wanna be DEVOID.

i am also lost in 3rd lang.lost.lost.really.like-i dont gettit.
this is the first time i felt like quitting jap and just walk off.
i told felicia.
she say i cant quit.
haha.
i demand a present. :))

i really feel real devoid now.sometimes nat laughs,i dont laugh.i just turn away.whats happening to me. i just dont feel like laughing cos life is so stressing.i apply the 'method' that daphne teaches me.i know she's feeling bad too and she often cheers herself up but i cant.i cant.i dunno why.i feel empty of emotions.

everyone seems to be walking so fast these days.
i am left behind
crawling.crawling.crwaling.
sluggish.
so slow that i pant at every step.
lost.
where am i.
i dont c directions anywhere.
i dont see anything.
i see nothing.
help.

uncrazy.undeeply.unmadly.
i dont really feel that craze anymore.
i am devoid.

10:19 PM

Monday, February 14, 2005

why cant you just let do
the things i wanna do
i just wanna be me
i dont understand why
would you wanna bring me down
when i'm only having fun
i'm gonna live my life
(But Not the Way that you want me to)

-

[i watched an interesting show.]

happy valentines day dudes.
dudes now mean asses
in my context
cos i am banned from vulgar words with effect from today
haha.
cos i dont wanna give people a bad impression of me
but i cant quit
my habits
bad habits.
MY BBALL GOT INTO A FATAL ACCIDENT ANW.
read on to find out DUDES.

nat gave me a present.
jiahui gave me a present.
wanye gave me a present.
i have nothing to give in return.!
bad me.
shermaine came back today
finally.whoa.i am not used to her being around for now.
feels strange.
i gave her her bdae present.
whatever.

and to the girl who felt depressed today (i suppose) :
singlehood is great
all the freedom
no stress
full concentration of studies
dont let love affect your mood
and the enthuism
and we friends are still here for uu :)))
so, dont feel bad lah
maybe u are not
maybe its just me and my wild imagination
but i can feel it.!hah!
there will be chances in the future.
DONT force it.
dont worry gal.
live ur life to the fullest. :))

GR likes qian!
BE MY VALENTINE
cool.
qian- dont be shy
u have to give that DUDE up sooner or later
cos its impossible right.
accept this new love lah.
dont scold me lorh.
cos qian, qian, bie sheng qi4
zhe4 yang4 zuo4 ye3 shi4 wei4 le4 ni...
flea giving all the support u can have.
if u wanna me to be your messenger
gladly. :)

haha.so the whole day was niaoing qian and stuff.
esp after school! damn funny.
i know qian like gr lah.
i can feel it.!rmb?
dont deny.

we had two big big BIG free periods today.!
shiok.! mdm tay was ABSENT.
gottit?
ABSENT.
ohmygodd.
how many times in a year has she taken MC.?
like none.??!
and today
she was ABSENT
and we all were wreaking havoc in class.
we 'dressed' gena up with my new year decos
those hanging stuff
and we took a spastic picture of her.
funny.!

qian is indecisive.
keep asking me if she should go or not.
i say-no.
no.
no.
dont like,say no.
buay song,say no.
she too soft-hearted.!
wth.
she dunno scared what lah.
whattaDUDE.

after school played bball.
i pleaded pple to play with me lorh.
i got qian to coach me today.
AHH.
my bball skills are all wrong.
nvm.
spinning balls.
damn its really unchangable.!
ahhhhhhh.why.
i should give bball up.
its just a leisure anw.
like-duhh.

nat went off so bloody early.
whats the matter dude.
and i was persuading qian to not go track.
unofficial anw.
go for what.?
then we suggested playing match with gr.
not i suggest! is qian suggest de.
waaah.
he happy like siao can.
then me and jing wanted to collaborate to make qian be in same group as gr.
but jing damn DUDE lorh.
is like-she open wrong one and i ended same group as gr.
qian happy like shit.
u shouldnt.
i v lousy.!!!!!
aiming off.
strength off.
spinning on.
closing eyes on.
i got a THRASHING from qian.
for closing my eyes when i am shooting.
for not focusing when i shooting or practising layups.
for my irritating spinning balls.
for me-not opening my eyes not widely enough when i am shooting.
haha!
all the lame things.
like when i shoot
qian will say
"OPEN YOUR EYES FLEA..!!!!"
duhh!
i just wanna rely on intuition.habit liao.
cannot issit.
haha.
i prefer shady courts.
esp the last one over there.
but these asses
came over and took our court
dunno who.
and we had to use this bloody hot one.

yup.that was the last time i am gonna play with my wilson's bball already.
sad right.
ok here goes the whole story.
gena and me went back together aft bball.
then at 158 busstop she was like kicking the ball
and got once the ball rolled out to the road
but lucky there wasnt any cars
and my bball came back safely
so did gena.
haha.
then we took 158 till kallang mrt.
and then we were waiting for 80
gena was holding my ball
bouncing
bouncing
bouncing.
then suddenly it rolled out to the road
and then she ran out
but to no avail
the bball rolled out to the main road
then it avoided many cars
and here comes the scary part
i saw a van driving towards the bball
and i hurry cover my eyes
and PAH!!!!
the bball was runned down by the van
and it burst
and the remaining corspe still remains on the road
the burst was so loud!
like someone just fired a gun.!
my bball-GONE.
so it met an accident
a fatal one.
it crashed and R.I.P
i took a last pic of it lying on the road.
haha.!
i felt ok.
just abit like SHOCKED
first time in my entire life that i see a bball burst
and somemore
the bball met an accident.!
funny!
gena's gonna buy me a new one anw.
:))
pple dont get curious about the incident kk.
i know v interesting.
rite?

then went for math tution.
ok!i suck at math.!
i cant do a proper sum.
i must buck up.

i hate this week man.
it sucks.
filled with tests and lots of projects and homework.!
and got 3rd lang.
NAT'S SO EXCITED.
:))
nat's my stead.
sehbohh.!
haha.
jingjing-u dont stand a chance!
woeixin-sad for you!
lolx.
we are so spastic.!

i got pple some presents alrd!
however broke i am.
i bought my shoelaces.
striking bright yellow,black and light blue.
i bought 3 badges.
when me and ji when to hgang mall.

and i hven done a single homework.
I WISHED EVERYDAY WAS 48 HOURS.
once again-
WHY DO I OWN THIS LIFE.
its gonna be a long night..

10:15 PM

About

Felicia studied in Dunman High School, loves elmo, is a major drama addict and is a cake lover. She has quit coffee even though she loves it.